It felt good to be home. I was greeted by my cat that came to sit next to me on the couch. The couch is where I sat and fell asleep that night. I had to prop myself up with pillows around me for comfort. The pillows helped ease the discomfort from the surgery and helped to keep my cat from jumping up on my chest. I was still in a great deal of pain. I had the tubes sticking out from each side of the sides where my breast used to be. I had to be careful with the drains to make sure nothing happened to them. The next few days were hard mentally.  I became depressed. My husband and son hung out with me and we played some board games. We watched some movies and played cards. They tried to keep my mind occupied. My son would put on Americas Funniest Videos to make me laugh. I said to my husband, “why wasn’t I depressed in the hospital?” He said, “Your body and mind were busy trying to recover and overcome pain so you had no time to be depressed.” This made sense to me. When I looked in the mirror It was a constant reminder that my breast where gone and I would be fighting cancer. I decided I needed to speak to someone who had gone through what I had. I contacted my aunt who is a breast cancer survivor. She told me to call the Delaware Breast Cancer Coalition. She told me they could put me in touch with someone who had been through the same thing as me. The Mentor Program matched me up with another survivor close to my age who had gone through the exact same surgery as me. After speaking with the mentor, I did not feel so all alone. I was able to talk to someone else who knew how I was feeling and what I had gone through. I was also prescribed depression medication at my follow up appointment with my primary care. Through the Delaware Breast Cancer Coalition I found a support group in my area for cancer survivors. It was great to be able to have these resources and people I could talk to. My family has been here for me but they cannot understand how I am feeling.

In the morning my surgeon came in to see how I was feeling. I told him that I was constant pain from the surgery.  He told me that during surgery they had to give me 2 pints of blood. He said, “I would like you to stay for another night, I will come back in the morning to check on you. My husband stayed with me both days. There was a chair that reclined back into a bed for my husband to sleep on. He wanted to stay with me which was nice. I enjoyed him being there. He would bring me back food when he went to the cafeteria.  It was not long before the nurse came in again to give me my medicine. She informed me that the doctor ordered a morphine drip.  The drip was for the pain. I could press the button on the drip every 3 minutes.  I could use the drip whenever I wanted and did not have to wait for a nurse to come and give me pain meds. The next day my surgeon popped his head in and said, “I think you’re well enough to go home today, I will discharge you.” A few hours later my plastic surgeon came in to see me.  He wanted to know how I was and wanted to check my bandages. He told me my bandages felt wet.  “Has the other surgeon been in to see you he asked?” I said, “He popped his head in and told me I could go home.” “Did the other surgeon check your bandages he asked?” “No I said why?” He said, “The bandages where the other doctor performed the surgery are leaking,” as he shook his head. There were 2 nurses standing by and he told them to put a fresh bandage on the site. The nurses must have known about the other surgeon because we all kind of looked at each other in agreement when my husband said we were not to found of him. The plastic surgeons bandages where dry and looked very good to him.  He had no problem either with sending me home.

The morning of my surgery I was a bit nervous. I was put into a holding room to be prepped for surgery. I was given a gown to put on and slipper socks.  I laid on a gurney while a nurse went over all my medical history and medications. Both of my surgeons came in prior to talk to me about the surgery. The anesthesiologist came in to explain the anesthesia I would be getting and how it will affect me. First I would be given a medicine to help me relax and then I would be wheeled to the operating room. I don’t remember anything after getting the medicine to relax me. The surgery must have been done because the nurse woke me up. I was still feeling a little groggy. She asked me how I was feeling. She informed me that I would be going to a room for an overnight stay. During surgery I had lost blood and they had to give me two pints. The surgeons wanted to keep in the hospital so that I could be monitored. I was in a lot of pain from the surgery.  As soon as there was an available room I would be wheeled upstairs.  It was not till that evening that I was in a room. I didn’t get much sleep that night. It seemed like nurses were coming in around the clock to take vitals and give medicine. 

Filling the expanders would be done with a syringe and saline.  The doctor pointed out that I should feel some pain and pressure with the filling of the tissue expanders. He asked me if I wanted saline implants or silicone. He told me he would over expand in order to fit the implant in. Over expanding would stretch the skin in order for the implant to fit. All of my original breast and tissue will be gone so the plastic surgeon wouldn’t have anything to work with.  I chose silicon because with saline the breast over time would sag. He asked me how my New Years that just passed was. I told him great me my son and husband went out for dinner at the casino. I told him I had a lot of pain in my left breast that night and we had to leave early. He told me not to worry about the surgery and to make sure I get those test done prior. I told him I would. After signing my life away and filling out forms, the next time I would be seeing this doctor would be the day of my surgery.  I went home and did some light cleaning and straitening up of the house. I did not want to come home after surgery and worry about anything. I would be concentrating on healing. I was scheduled for surgery the week of January ninth.  I went into the hospital to get my blood work and ekg done. I also pre-registered for surgery while I was there. They told me to expect a phone call as well a day before surgery so they can go over my medical information and give me instructions. Since I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I would have to go through surgeries and treatment, I decided to file for social security. I considered myself disabled and would not be returning back to work. I could not do the job I had under these conditions. I had filed with the social security office as soon as I received my diagnosis because I know it takes about six months for them to make a decision.

I had my follow up with the plastic surgeon a few days later.  I told him I decided to go ahead and get the implants. The plastic surgeon informed me that he spoke with my surgeon and it would not be a problem for them to work together. He told me once my surgeon removes all the cancerous breast tissue and the lymph nodes from under my arm pit, he would go in and place the tissue expanders in. The surgeon said, “Tissue expanders will be used to stretch the skin so that an implant can eventually be placed in.” He told me I would need to have blood work and an ekg done prior to surgery.   He said I should expect to be in surgery for at least eight hours. He also said this is an outpatient procedure and I should have minimal pain to none at all. He told me the tissue expanders would have two tubes on each that would need to be drained twice a day after surgery. He said it would be important for me to write down on a piece of paper the amount of fluid that gets drained.  I would need to bring this paper in to show him on my follow up visits. I would need to empty the tubes till they run clear and there is little to no fluid left. He then would remove the tubes and filling of the expanders would begin. 

I went home and read all the books. My husband and I talked about it in detail but he said, “It is your decision and I will be happy with whatever you chose.” He did say if I get them I should go bigger. I laughed. He said, “You laugh but if I had to lose my penis and they were going to give me another one I would go bigger.” I didn’t want to laugh but I did. This was one of those times when you realize you can find humor in cancer. I said, "I would be happy with the size I had." As long as I had some shape to fill out my clothes and to keep me looking normal I didn't care how big they were. I then came to the realization that this is real and I would be losing my breast and getting fake ones. I didn’t want to have to make this decision it was not fare that I had to. I also researched online about making this decision.  I did find some information that stated women, who do get implants after removal of breast from cancer, psychologically feel better. I went back and forth on the decision and weighed out the information I had collected. 

I was curious about implants. I wanted to see if this would even be an option for me. I wasn’t sure I wanted them just yet. I was told if I did decide to get them it could be done the same time my surgeon removes all my cancer and tissue. This was an option for me and would save me a surgery. I decided I would consult with a plastic surgeon to find out the information and what would be involved. I made an appointment with the surgeon who was part of Bay Health. He had done many reconstructions on women like me who have had breast cancer. He had been very thorough and went over all the information. He gave me booklets to read at home. The plastic surgeon explained that he would need to contact my surgeon who would be removing the cancer. He said I will need to ask him if he will let me work with him on you. He explained to me that once my surgeon removes the breast and all the tissue, he could go in after him and do his part of the surgery. He told me he would contact my doctor and that I should go home read the books and make a list of any questions I may have. He told me to come in next week for a follow up. If my surgeon gives him the go ahead, and I decide I want the implants, he will explain the surgery and the procedure then.