Thursday, April 30, 2015


 I was losing weight and my clothes were getting baggy.  I was not happy with my physical appearance at all.  I had lost my sex drive, my hair, I had scars from surgery and when I looked in the mirror I saw a different person.  It was after my third treatment that I had noticed my hair was falling out.  My hair was getting everywhere.  It was the weekend and my mother in law was scheduled to come over to give buzz cuts to my boys.  I had decided that I would let her cut my hair so I didn’t have to deal with it falling out.  My boys got their hair cut first then it was my turn.  She picked up my hair by the pieces I had left and cut each strands.  When she was finished I looked in the mirror and saw what looked like peach fuzz.  I was told I looked like Sanade Oconner who had been a famous singer at that time.  I had a buzz cut just like my boys. I did not go completely bald from the chemo.  I did feel self-conscious about this new hair style. I had to go out and buy a hat to where in public.  I also wanted to get a wig as well.  I did not want anyone seeing me with my hair this way.  My mom offered to take me wig shopping at this place downtown.  I went with great expectations of finding something that would make me look and feel like my old self.  The man who owned the shop did not have much to choose from.  I picked this short style brunette wig that was close to my hair color.  I did not like the style but had decided this hair was better than no hair.  When I had the wig on I looked just like Annette Funicello.  She was an actress, singer and brunette who had big puffy hair. 

The first time I wore my wig was at a birthday party for one of our neighbor’s kids.  I didn’t know anyone at the party except the mom of the birthday boy and one other neighbor.  I sat in a room full of people feeling self-conscious.  I was thinking to myself wondering if anyone here knows that I am wearing a wig.  Do they know I am wearing it because I have cancer?   I wasn’t very outgoing and I sat on the couch just listening to everyone else talk.  No one at the party seemed to give me a second glance or stare at me.  I was the one who was being self-conscious about my look. After the party that day I had decided not to wear the wig again.  The wig was not me and the hair I had left on my head was.  This is cancer and I would regain my hair once my treatments where over.  This decision was not easy.  One day on an outing in Baltimore with my family, I noticed a group of young teenage girls staring and laughing at me.  I just thought to myself that they are ignorant and are not educated about cancer and the effects of it.  I hoped unlike me, they never would have to know. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday, April 28, 2015


There was no change with my second chemo treatment.  I had felt the same as before.  I was still throwing up and I was tired.  I just wanted to sleep all the time.   Just doing the little things took a lot of energy out of me. As the nurse was giving me my chemo, I started to feel a lump in my throat.  It felt like I had just swallowed a hard piece of candy by accident.  I asked the nurse if this was normal since it didn’t happen with the first treatment.  The nurse had said that chemo can cause heartburn and that’s what I might be feeling.  I had also felt sick to my stomach.  I had to get up and go to the bathroom which meant I had to carry my IV pole with me.  I began to throw up and I had hoped that none of the other patients heard me.  It was lunch time and everyone else was eating while I was losing my cookies.  I did not want to spoil anyone else’s lunch.  I had learned this day that cancer patients are understandable about chemo and the effects it can have on the body.  Chemo affects us all differently.  While some people were well enough to go to work, others like me went home to rest. 

I was feeling the same with every treatment and I seemed to have more bad days than good.  I had my third treatment by this time.  I was extremely fatigued.  I was still having trouble swallowing what little bit of foods or liquids I could keep down.  My sense of smell had been enhanced as well.  I smelled my neighbor’s perfume one day through the window as I lay on the couch.  She lived right next door and had been walking to her car to go out.  I had never smelled her perfume before and she wore it all the time. My taste buds were also enhanced.  My mom tried to give me ensure upon the doctors request because I lost some weight with the vomiting.  I could not drink it.  My mom said, “The people in the commercials drink it,” I said, “they are old they have no taste buds.”  My mom even put chocolate ice cream in it but it still did not cover up the taste.  The enhancing of my taste and smells just made me more prone to feel nauseas and induced vomiting.

Monday, April 27, 2015


I was so glad to see my son get off the bus.  I couldn’t wait to hear about his day.  He and my other son would play outside as I sat on the front steps and watched.  Their dad was due to be home from work any minute.  We would then have dinner that I had prepared.  This is when the chemo hit me.  After dinner I started to feel really tired.  I also felt sick to my stomach.  I had to lie down on the couch.  My husband was going to take the boys back outside to play ball.  I fell asleep and when I had woke up it was passed my children’s bed time.  My husband had said he put the boys to bed.  I was still feeling nauseas and I had to run up to the bathroom to throw up.  For the first time I had missed bed time.  My kids had already been asleep so I went in to kiss their foreheads while I try not to wake them. 

I was tired from the chemo all the time now. I was nauseas and throwing up on and off up until it was time for my next chemo.  My mom would come over some days and help me with the kids.  She would make sure I ate even though I would just throw it up later.  I had to hire our baby sitter to come sit with my kids in the afternoons so I could nap.  We used to only need her to watch the kids so my husband and I could go out every now and then.  Now she was here every afternoon, five days a week.    My kids loved her and she was great with them.  I would be there on the couch napping while she put in a movie for my kids to watch.  I did not like the effects of the chemo.  I felt helpless and weak.  I wanted it to be over but it was just the beginning.  I would be getting my second chemo in a week. 

 

Wednesday, April 15, 2015


It was a Monday morning and I was scheduled to get chemo at my oncologist office.  My mom would be taking me.  She was going to sit in the waiting room while I had my treatment.  My mom was going to watch my younger son.  She had brought puzzles with her for my son to put together.  The puzzles were his favorite thing to play with.  He would just sit there quietly putting puzzles together with his grand mom.  I had to get blood work done before heading back to get chemo.  If the blood work was ok, I could get chemo.  The chemo meds I would be getting where classified as abvd.  I would receive them through an IV drip which would take about 2hours.  I would sit in a reclining chair with other patients who were getting chemo as well. There was a TV in the room for patients to watch. There were about four nurses who were there to administer chemo. The nurse would have me sit in a chair and take my vitals.  She then would clean the port and stick it with a needle.  Then she would give me anti-nausea med through an IV.  I would then get the four chemo meds administered through the IV.  The nurse explained everything she was doing.  She told me that if I needed anything I should ask.  I was told even though I had the anti-nausea I was told I could still get sick.  The nurse had said it would be about the third or fourth treatment in my hair would start to fall out.  The chemo would make me tired and I would need to rest often.  I had two kids; I had no time to rest. Since I would be getting treatment past lunch, I was offered to order lunch from the cafeteria. I was given a menu of items to check off that I wanted. My mom and my younger son went to the hospital cafeteria to have lunch. They offer breakfast to depending on how early your treatment is. I was feeling pretty good after getting my first chemo. I was glad when it was over and I could go back home to get my other son off the bus. My next chemo treatment would be in three weeks.  

Tuesday, April 14, 2015


My surgery for the port was being done at the doctor’s office.  I had to change into a gown and a nurse to my vitals.  I would be awake for the procedure but as long as I could not feel anything I was ok with that.  The doctor had me lay on the table and then he numbed the right side of my chest above my breast.  He made and incision and then placed the port underneath my skin.  He then stitched the incision back up.  I then went into the next room to get an x-ray of the port to make sure it was positioned correctly.  The x-ray showed that my port had a kink in the line.  Since my sutures where still fresh the doctor said, “I will go back in open the stitches and fix it.”  So back up on the table I went hoping he would fix it.  I went and had another x-ray only for it to reveal that it was still kinked.  The surgeon told me to go home and come back in a week for another x-ray.  He said, “The port should unkink itself.”  So, a week came and went and the port had not unkinked itself like the doctor had said.  I was referred to another surgeon at the hospital who would perform a procedure to pull the port from the bottom to take the kink out.  This whole port business was beginning to be more hassle than what it was worth.  I would have to make more arrangements with my children to have yet another procedure.  I hate what this cancer had been doing to my life.  This was not how I imagined spending my days seeing doctor after doctor and having procedure after procedure. 

When the day came to have my port fixed, I was in a surgical room of the hospital lying on a bed.  My father had accompanied me again while my mom watched the children.  I was greeted by a surgeon who explained the procedure.  He informed me that he would be using a hook type instrument that would go in through the left side of my inner thigh by my groin.  He assured me it would not hurt because he would be going through nerve endings.  He asked the nurse to give e me some medication to make me drowsy.  Ten minutes after I took the pill, the nurse asked if I was drowsy.  I said, “No I am wide awake.”  She then gave me another pill and I could feel the effects.  The doctor told me we could watch everything he was doing because it would be on the wall.  It was just like watching a projector a teacher uses in a classroom to show classwork on a screen.  The doctor was right I could not feel a thing.  I watched as he took this hook like on the end of a fishing rod and pull the end of the port tube down.  I even said to the doctor about how it looked like he was going fishing.  He just laughed.  Now my port was straight and in working order.  I know would finally be able to get chemo and be on my way to making this cancer disappear.

 

 

Monday, April 13, 2015


When I did get to read the article in the News Journal I was disappointed.  The article had a view of others who had been on talk shows that had negative experiences.  We had a great time on the Oprah show but the interviewer took something I said and displayed it as negative just like the others who were interviewed.  Even though the article was not what I had expected our picture turned out wonderful. 

I came down from cloud nine on the morning of my appointment with the oncologist.  He said to me that everyone in the office watched the show and enjoyed it. I told him some of the nurses had already congratulated me and called me a star.   I assumed on this visit I would be starting chemo but my doctor said he would like me to get a device called a portacath first.  He explained that instead of sticking me in the veins for my chemo that they could access the port.  He said I had good veins but that over time it would be harder to try to find different veins to use for each stick.  The operation to place the port would be done as an outpatient surgery and is quick and easy.  The port would be placed just under the skin.  The catheter connects the port to a vein so that chemo meds can be given.  Blood work can also be taken using the port.  I agreed with this approach and the office would schedule everything with a surgeon who puts the ports in.  I was told that once the port was in I could start getting chemo.  My next appointment at the office would be my first official chemo treatment. 

I had to go home and make arrangements to have someone watch my kids and then drive me to surgery for port placement.  My oldest was in preschool and I needed someone to pick him up after school was over.  I needed someone to keep my youngest son all day.  My mom had agreed to watch the kids and my father agreed to take me to get my port put in.

 

Friday, April 10, 2015


Even though my children were not in the audience with us, their picture was displayed on a big screen during the show.  The picture they used had been one I had gave them of my two boys at my mother’s house.  She had them dress up in chef’s uniforms with hats holding bowls and mixing spoons.  When the show had ended we were hoping to get to talk or met Oprah personally.  We had been told that she will stick around after a taping and interact with the guest.  On this particular day of taping she could not stick around because of her busy schedule.  After getting my boys from the green room, Oprah’s secretary met up with us and led us down the hall to the exit.  Before leaving she gave us each a mug that had the Oprah Show printed on it.  She walked us outside to where our limo had been waiting for us.  I snapped a picture of her and my mom together.   We said our goodbyes with hugs and entered the limo which would take us to the airport for our plain ride home. 

It felt good to be home.  I could not wait to see my husband.  My neighbors, friends, and family had asked about the trip.  They wanted to know all the details.  My one neighbor said she was going to tape the show.  My mom and I were going to tape the show so we could have the memory of that day.  I could not wait to watch not only us but the whole show in its entirety.  When I did get to see the show it was a surprise to find out that a famous soap actor had been on the same episode as us.  His name is Don Diamont.  He played on the Young and the Restless but now he is on the Bold and the Beautiful as Bill Spencer.  He had nominated someone for doing a good job just as I had nominated my mom.  After our show aired I had gotten a call from the Wilmington News Journal.  It turns out they were doing an article on people who have been on a talk show and their experience as a guest on one.  I was asked if I would like to share my story and I had said sure.  I was then asked some            questions over the phone about the show and my experience.  I was told that they would like to send out a photographer to take our picture of everyone who had been on the show.  It was agreed that the picture would be taken at my mother’s house.  The photographer snapped a picture of my mom, the kids and I sitting on her couch.  They told me we could view the article in the Life section of the News Journal. 

Wednesday, April 8, 2015


The next morning the same limo came to take us to the Oprah Studios.  This is where I met the women I had been speaking with over the phone.  She introduced herself again and took us to the green room.  I always wondered why the called it the green room.  On this day I found out.  The room is actually green.  There was a tv in the room and a table full of pastries and beverages. The tv in the green room had been turned off so my mom would not know what the show was about. We were told that someone would do our hair and makeup.  We would sit in the green room until it was our turn to come out.  It was decided at the last minute that the kids would stay in the room and that just my mom and I would be on the show.  Oprah’s secretary came into get me to ask about what I was going to say.  As we walked and talked down the hall I saw Oprah as she was making her entrance out onto the show.  I was so nervous.  Her secretary told me to speak from the heart.  She did not want anything that would sound rehearsed.  I told her I would try my best but that I was nervous.  We then walked back to the green room and I sat waiting to go on.  Oprah’s hair and makeup artist came into the green room to get some food and drink.  He was asked if he could watch my boys as my mom and I went on.  He agreed.
My mom and I were the last ones to go on.  I don’t even know who was on the show before us.  They called us out into the audience during commercial break.  We sat next to each other about the second row in from the stage. When the show came back on Oprah introduced us and I could see from the teleprompter it had our names and the city and state we were from.  Oprah said, Daniele was diagnosed with a form of cancer known as Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Oprah said, “Daniele I believe you are here today because you have something you want to share with your mom.”  I said yes. I then turned to my mom and said, “I wrote into the Oprah show and brought you here today as a surprise to thank you for all that you have done for me.”  Mom, “I want to thank you for taking care of me and my boys while I have been fighting cancer for the last two years.”  My mom responded by saying, “I am your mother that’s my job.”  I then noticed audience members behind me crying.  My mom also noticed a couple of women in front of her crying.  It seemed liked all eyes were on us in the audience with tears.  It had been a very emotional moment that had been over in a matter of minutes.  Oprah thanked us for sharing our story and that was the end of the show. 

Tuesday, April 7, 2015


The morning of our trip to Chicago we anxiously awaited for the shuttle to take us to the Philadelphia airport.  When we arrived at the airport we had no issues and we boarded the plan on our way to Chicago.  My older son and I sat together while my mom and younger son sat together on the other side of us.  I wanted the window seat but so did my son so, I let him have it.  There was not much to see anyway.  I found out that I do not like flying so much as I became lightheaded.  My ears were constantly popping and the higher we went the worse it became.    Otherwise the plane ride was not so bad and a few hours later we landed safely at O’Hare airport.  After we grabbed our bags we headed for the main entrance of the airport.  This is when; I spotted a man wearing a trench coat and hat who was holding a sign with our last name on it.  The first thing I thought of was a scene exactly like this in a movie I had watched.  This was pretty cool it was like we were in the movie.  He said he would be our chauffer and drive us to the hotel.  He walked us over to a limo. It was snowing and my kids were happy to see snow for the first time that winter. It was November and we hadn’t had any snow back in Delaware yet. I was excited. I had never been in a limo before.  We were riding in style on our way to the Omni hotel were Oprah’s guest of the show stay.  My kids enjoyed the limo ride as well.  Never had they been in a car so big.  When we checked into the hotel we were given room keys, and food vouchers.  The food vouchers were good for room service and the hotel restaurant.  Our sweet was 2 adjoining rooms with beds, couch, desk, and bathrooms. As soon as we arrived we had ordered some food the kids where hungry and we wanted to unwind a little. We ordered some lunch with dessert and my mom and I ordered some wine.  I remember my oldest ordering the chocolate mousse and was disappointed when it arrived.  He had said to me that there were no antlers on this moose. I explained to him that it was not a real moose like the animal but a chocolate dessert.  We arrived in mid-morning so we had a full day and night to go sightseeing.  My mom had been to Chicago before so she was going to be our guide.  We had a full day of sightseeing and shopping.  My kid’s favorite part was the Fao Schwarz toy store where my mom let them each pick out a toy. We then went back to the hotel to unwind before dinner.  We decided to take advantage of the hotels pool and spa.  We all went swimming in the pool. We then sat in the hot tub to relax.  Later we changed for dinner which we had at the hotel’s restaurant.   The restaurant was casual but elegant.  The restaurant had a piano player a bar and tables.  We all enjoyed a wonderful meal sitting by the windows looking out into the Chicago streets.  My son remarked about how many yellow cars had passed as we sat looking out the window.  I told him that big cities like the one we are in use taxis to take people where they need to go. 

Monday, April 6, 2015




Aside from my brother knowing, I had to tell my step dad. I wanted to make sure he would be able to convince my mom to go with me.  I wanted my mom to  be available to go and not back out on me.  When I got the call back from Oprha’s secretary she told me the time and day of the scheduled taping.  I told her I would have to check with my oncologist because I was supposed to start chemo that week.  I told her I would check with my doctor about my treatment and get back to her.  This was so exciting.  Oprah had answered my letter.  We would be on her show with an all-expenses paid trip.  I would be flying on a plain for the first time in my life.  I had never been to Chicago before either.  This was going to be a trip my mom and I would never forget. I just knew it.
During my oncology visit I found out that my bone marrow was normal.  There had been no evidence of cancer.  I was so relieved to find this out.  My oncologist said, “We can go ahead with the chemo treatment next week.”  I asked him if I could postpone my treatment because my mom and I were invited to be on the Oprah show.  He said he didn’t have a problem with doing this and I was to let him know when the show would air.  I was very thankful to him and he wished me a safe and fun trip. 
Since I had the go ahead, I called back Oprah’s secretary and said we can go.  She said, “I will get a call within the next two days with all the info we would need for the shuttle and flight service.”  I had to call my mom and tell her I got permission from the doctor to be on the show so we’d better back our bags.    My mom had insisted we go shopping so that we could have something new to wear on the show.  The next day my mom the boys and I went shopping at Sears.  We all picked out outfits and as we were paying for our order my mom told the cashier that we would be wearing these outfits on the Oprah show.    We told her when the show would air so she could watch us on t.v.


Thursday, April 2, 2015


The next time I saw my mom was the day I had to get my bone marrow biopsy.  My brother was going to watch the kids so my mom could drive me.  My oncologist was going to perform the biopsy.  He was going to numb my lower left back with a local anesthetic.  He then said he would be extracting a piece of the bone marrow which would then be sent off to the lab for further testing.  During the procedure I let out a horrible scream so the doctor injected more numbing medicine and preceded some more.  I had never felt so much pain in all my life.  The only way I can describe the procedure is this.  Say you open a wine bottle with a cork screw that you have to twist and twist then pull; this is what it felt like.    I believe this is exactly how it was done.  The instrument itself even looked somewhat like a cork screw.  I was so relieved when it was over.  I was a little sore and when I saw my back I was surprised to see a little round band aide.  I guess I was expecting it to look worse than that because of all the pain and pressure I had felt during the procedure.  My doctor said he would see me at my scheduled appointment to talk about my chemo treatment and that the results should be in by then.
I had told my brother that after my procedure was over he could help me tell mom about the Oprah show.   After arriving back at my house my brother and I sat her down as I told her about the invitation to be on the Oprah show.  I explained that they were doing a show on cancer patients and treatment. “Are you ok?’ she said.  “Yes I said, why?”  She had asked me what kind of drugs they gave me for the procedure.  I told her I wasn’t given any and that I am not making being on the Oprah show up.  This is for real I told her.  “How did they get your name?”  “I am not sure my doctor I would guess.”  I told her the show would be contacting me with more details but that I, she and the boys would be going to Chicago.  She could not believe it and thought it was such a great honor for me to be nominated for the show.  Little did she know, I was the one, who nominated her. 


Wednesday, April 1, 2015


About a month had gone by and I hadn’t thought about the letter at all until, the night I had gotten a call from someone who claimed she was from the Oprah show.  I couldn’t believe it I had said, “Who?”  She said, “I am Oprah’s secretary and I have the letter you wrote in about your mom.”   I could not believe it I was shocked and surprised all at the same time.  I had said, “Yes I wrote the letter.”  I had to explain to her about my cancer and the care my mom was giving to me and my children.  She had said to me that they were not taping any more makeover shows.  She made an offer for me and my mom to be on a different show called doing a Good Dead.  On this show I would get the chance to personally thank my mom for all she has done.  I asked her if I could bring my boys and she said, “That would be fine.”  She told me that the airfare and accommodations would be paid for.  I had told her that my mom did not know about the letter so we agreed to keep it as a surprise.  We both agreed that I would tell my mom they were doing a show on cancer and contacted me to be on it.   Oprah’s secretary would call me next week with more details.  I told her I would talk to my mom and tell her about the show.  I was so excited after we hung up from our conversation, I could not control myself.  I was telling everyone about the call and the surprise for my mom.