I was losing weight and my clothes were getting baggy.  I was not happy with my physical appearance at all.  I had lost my sex drive, my hair, I had scars from surgery and when I looked in the mirror I saw a different person.  It was after my third treatment that I had noticed my hair was falling out.  My hair was getting everywhere.  It was the weekend and my mother in law was scheduled to come over to give buzz cuts to my boys.  I had decided that I would let her cut my hair so I didn’t have to deal with it falling out.  My boys got their hair cut first then it was my turn.  She picked up my hair by the pieces I had left and cut each strands.  When she was finished I looked in the mirror and saw what looked like peach fuzz.  I was told I looked like Sanade Oconner who had been a famous singer at that time.  I had a buzz cut just like my boys. I did not go completely bald from the chemo.  I did feel self-conscious about this new hair style. I had to go out and buy a hat to where in public.  I also wanted to get a wig as well.  I did not want anyone seeing me with my hair this way.  My mom offered to take me wig shopping at this place downtown.  I went with great expectations of finding something that would make me look and feel like my old self.  The man who owned the shop did not have much to choose from.  I picked this short style brunette wig that was close to my hair color.  I did not like the style but had decided this hair was better than no hair.  When I had the wig on I looked just like Annette Funicello.  She was an actress, singer and brunette who had big puffy hair. 

The first time I wore my wig was at a birthday party for one of our neighbor’s kids.  I didn’t know anyone at the party except the mom of the birthday boy and one other neighbor.  I sat in a room full of people feeling self-conscious.  I was thinking to myself wondering if anyone here knows that I am wearing a wig.  Do they know I am wearing it because I have cancer?   I wasn’t very outgoing and I sat on the couch just listening to everyone else talk.  No one at the party seemed to give me a second glance or stare at me.  I was the one who was being self-conscious about my look. After the party that day I had decided not to wear the wig again.  The wig was not me and the hair I had left on my head was.  This is cancer and I would regain my hair once my treatments where over.  This decision was not easy.  One day on an outing in Baltimore with my family, I noticed a group of young teenage girls staring and laughing at me.  I just thought to myself that they are ignorant and are not educated about cancer and the effects of it.  I hoped unlike me, they never would have to know.