Thoracic surgery January 2015

The night before my scheduled surgery I could not sleep. I tossed and turned all night. I was anxious and nervous about the surgery. I was mad that I had to have another surgery.  I did not want any more scares on my body.  I did not want any more tissue or body parts taken from me. I did not want to be in any more pain. I am beginning to feel like that frog in science that I had to dissect. He just sits there alive while we just dissect him picking apart his insides.  In the last two years I have seen more doctors and nurses than I can count on my fingers. Here I lay wide awake with all these thoughts in my head about the last two years of fighting cancer and the effect it has had on me mentally and physically. I had to be up at four thirty in the morning which is way too early for me.  I had to be at the hospital by five thirty. Once again another surgery scheduled for early in the morning. My husband and son accompanied me to the hospital for support. My mom and my step dad would also be meeting us there. I tried to convince one of them to take my place but they weren’t going for it. My mom told me I would be fine and that I was is everyone’s prayers.  It was very comforting to have my parents there before going into surgery. I do not see them that often but they were always there when I needed them the most. We were all lead to a waiting room of the hospital so that I could get preregistered for the surgery.  The room started to get pretty full about a half hour into our wait. A nurse called my name and I went into the office and sat down. She was very kind and asked me about my surgery and had me go over all my information to make sure it was correct. She said to me, “I must have missed you last time you were here but I have a care package for you.” She told me about a support group called the Wings of Hope that meet on Saturdays at the cancer center next to the hospital. I told her I go to the group that meets on Tuesdays there.  I thanked her for the package and she wished me well. I then went back out and sat with my family and waited to be called back for pre-operation.